CLIENT: “Can I ask you something that feels… kind of awful?”

ME: “Of course.”

CLIENT: Hesitates, twisting her hands in her lap. “It just seems like they’re fine. Better than fine. They hurt me, lied, destroyed my life, and now it looks like they’re winning.

They have a new partner. A new job. They post these pictures like they’re living their best life. And I’m still here picking up the pieces.”

ME: Nods with the kind of understanding that only another survivor can know. “You’re only seeing what they show the world. But people can’t outrun themselves.

Their nervous system keeps score just like yours does. And they always pay, just not in the ways we might expect.”

CLIENT: A long, shaky exhale. A little relief. A little hope. A tiny spark of something she hasn’t felt in a while: truth settling into her body.

Why It Looks Like Abusers Get Away With Everything

Abuse doesn’t just injure your body or emotions...

It distorts perception.

• There’s the abuser you knew: maybe explosive, maybe withdrawn, maybe tearful and self-pitying… but always destabilizing, always keeping you off-balance.

• And then there’s the abuser everyone else sees: warm, helpful, shy, brilliant, tragic, admirable... whatever earns trust.

The distance between the person you know versus the person they "know" is what makes it feel like they escape karma entirely while you’re left holding the truth alone.

I believed that illusion for years.

My stepfather wore his authority like armor. He intimidated, controlled, and manipulated behind closed doors, then shook hands and smiled in public.

• For so long, he seemed invincible to me, the kind of man that nothing bad ever stuck to.

Later in life, an ex-partner repeated the same pattern. A master of charm, a master of chaos, but always landing on his feet. He’d leave behind emotional wreckage, then glide into the next relationship, the next job, the next set of people to impress.

• It looked effortless. It looked unfair.

So, if you’ve ever felt this way, if you’ve ever asked:

“Why does the universe let them get away with it?”

You're not alone.

• Every survivor I’ve ever worked with has asked this question.

But we have to take a big step back to see the full picture here:

Abusers aren't escaping karma.

They're living it.

Every day.

Inside their own body.

How Karma Shows Up in an Abuser’s Life

• Not as lightning bolts.
• Not as instant justice.
• Not as some grand cinematic downfall.

• But through the slow, grinding cost of a life built on fear, control, and disconnection.

I'm about to share four types of “karma” that abusers absolutely can NOT escape...

Not because the universe punishes them, but because their own nervous system does.

1. Psychological Karma

The Prison of Their Own Mind

Abusers can't form secure attachment.

Their entire relational model is built on:

• domination
• fear
• manipulation
• blame
• fragile ego preservation

They don’t experience safety. Their nervous system never calms. Their mind is loud, paranoid, and restless.

This is the part survivors don’t see.

While you’re doing the work to heal, the abuser is fighting a war inside themselves that never ends.

2. Emotional Karma

The Absence of Love

Real intimacy requires vulnerability. Vulnerability requires safety. Safety requires honesty.

Abusers can’t access any of that.

So what they “lose” is devastating:

• genuine connection
• long-term relationships
• trust
• emotional growth
• the ability to be truly seen or known

And the harshest karma of all?

They never get to experience the love they demand.

3. Relational Karma

The Truth Eventually Reveals Itself

People may believe them for a while (abusers are skilled performers) but the mask always slips. Over time:

• relationships fall apart
• partners leave
• children distance
• coworkers become wary
• communities catch on

Even my stepfather, who held power for years, eventually found himself isolated. My three sisters and I all gather for holidays and joyful time together without him.

My ex-partner? He repeated the same cycle with new people. The same rage, the same manipulation, the same emotional spirals. And one by one, people drifted away or ran.

The pattern is the karma.

4. Somatic Karma

The Body Always Keeps the Score

Here's where my years of work studying somatic trauma wisdom comes alive.

An abuser’s nervous system is a battlefield.

Their body stays flooded with stress chemicals meant for survival:

• cortisol
• adrenaline
• inflammation markers

Over years, this takes a toll:

• chronic pain
• cardiovascular disease
• insomnia
• addictions
• immune dysfunction
• digestive issues
• premature aging

Their body tells the story their mouth never will.

Your Healing Is the Karma

I've met so many survivors who stay focused on whether the abuser is suffering, and it makes sense.

We want the universe to restore balance.

But I'm about to liberate you with some real talk here:

• YOU are the one who gets to heal.
• They are the one who stays the same.

Your healing is the turning of the cosmic wheel. Your freedom is the balance returning. Your peace is the quiet justice no one can see but you.

Abusers lose access to something far more precious than revenge:

They lose access to you and to their ability to grow.

I used to believe that my abusers had “won.”

That they were living untouched, unbothered, unburdened.

But as I healed (somatically, emotionally, spiritually) I began to see what had always been true:

• Their lives were smaller than they looked.
• Their relationships were fragile.
• Their peace was nonexistent.
• Their bodies were silently breaking under the weight of their own choices.

And I, the child who grew up afraid, the adult who carried blame that was never mine, I was becoming free.

So yes, karma comes.

Not always as punishment. But as a natural consequence of a life unable to sustain love.

Your healing is the karma.

Your joy is the justice.

Your freedom is the ending they can never have, and you fully deserve.

Here to remind you that balance exists,

Gretchen

SOMATIC TRAUMA SPECIALIST + ENERGETIC INTUITIVE