A harsh reality that many survivors face when leaving an abusive relationship is realizing that breaking away doesn’t always mean the abuse ends.

For plenty of survivors, including myself and many of my clients, the patterns of control and intrusion continue in quieter and more frightening ways.

Stalking can take many forms, some obvious and others disturbingly subtle, but all of them are meant to send the same message:

I’m still watching you.

I’ve experienced this myself. Even after blocking my abuser, I’d notice new “catfish” accounts following me, his presence unmistakable.

Clients I’ve worked with have shared similar experiences, from discovering tracking devices hidden in their cars to feeling the chilling awareness that their movements were being monitored long after they thought they’d finally broken free.

Social media and technology can become weapons in an abuser’s arsenal. Fake accounts, hidden apps, or even spyware can be used to monitor a survivor’s activity.

Every view of your stories, each subtle comment, or each new follower request can feel like a ghostly reminder that freedom still hasn’t arrived yet.

They crave control, any way they can get a hold of it.

Stalking is not “just checking in.”

It’s not harmless curiosity. It’s about control... a desperate attempt by an abuser to keep hold of someone who has already chosen freedom. And it can take many forms:

• Digital stalking: fake accounts, hacking into email or cloud storage, monitoring social media through mutual connections, or keeping tabs on location data shared with devices.
• Physical stalking: driving past someone’s home, showing up in public spaces “by accident,” waiting in parking lots, or simply being a presence in the background.
• Indirect stalking: using children, mutual friends, or family members to gather information or pass messages.
• Financial stalking: keeping watch on bank accounts, credit reports, or shared financial records to limit independence.

GPS trackers tucked under a car, unexplained “coincidences” where the abuser always seems to know where you are, or even mutual acquaintances being used as informants.

These aren’t accidents, they’re tactics meant to keep survivors living in fear.

And what happens when an abuser has friends or connections in the military, law enforcement, or federal agencies?

While most people who work in these fields act with integrity, there are times when an abuser may exploit those relationships to gain information, bend rules, or receive “help” that makes their stalking even harder to detect.

This can leave survivors feeling like there’s nowhere to turn, especially if the very institutions meant to protect them seem compromised.

It’s important to remember: if your gut tells you something is off, if the abuser seems to know things they shouldn’t know, you might not be imagining it.

Awareness is about your power.

And knowing this possibility exists helps you take extra precautions and seek support from safe, trusted allies outside the abuser’s circles.

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